This list touched me so so deeply. Not out of simple bitterness, but rather out of, “thank god someone’s finally willing to say it.” Everything registered as true to one side of my experience of this planet.
-jfs
———
The other side of being human.
http://www.metagifted.org/
—
I’m tired of trying to prove myself to people who seem determined to dislike me.
I just hope I can get through another day of this crap.
I can’t stand humanity any more. Why is everyone so cruel?!
My life is intrinsically small and meaningless.
I can’t help wanting to hurt people.
I try to channel my rage and fury into good things, but it doesn’t always work.
I can’t help but see other people as objects.
No one even makes an effort to understand me.
I wish people would just LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
I can’t get far enough from the people that want to get close to me.
I don’t want to deal with your pain!
I try to care about what you’re saying, but I don’t.
Life IS all about me.
No one likes it when I’m really honest.
If you could see what I truly am, you’d think I was insane.
You cannot fully comprehend my sadness or my pain.
You do not understand the magnitude of my rage.
The day ahead seems insurmountable.
Life mostly sucks.
Being human HURTS.
Most people are mean.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot be completely sympathetic with you.
Sympathy does not seem worthwhile.
I have enough problems of my own.
Opinions are judgments!
Even when you think you’re being kind, I want to hide from you.
Teaching me a lesson won’t work.
I don’t really care what you believe.
The reward of affection is too complicated to obtain.
Affection is always overcomplicated.
Being empathic really sucks.
I don’t always want to know what’s going to happen.
How come I have to be the aware one?
Even being around other people hurts!
I want someone to understand me, but I don’t want to be be a part of any group.
People are overcomplicated and I just want to push them away.
If you really cared about me, you’d let me be myself.
I know you don’t believe most of the things you say.
Your responsibility is not my responsibility.
Please don’t indoctrinate me.
You can’t fix me; don’t even try.
Just because we don’t agree doesn’t mean I’m broken.
It doesn’t seem like humanity is improving, no matter how hard we try.
Everyone’s reality is different; don’t force yours upon me.
I can’t stand more than a tiny bit of interaction.
I don’t really care what I’m supposed to do.
I’m not a sheep, don’t herd me.
You shouldn’t be telling anyone what to be doing if you’re not perfect.
Why do we keep trying so hard?
My own humanity feels incredibly restrictive.
The world doesn’t want to be helped.
I won’t be a part of your dog and pony show.
Why don’t you just shut the hell up?
Can’t you tell I really don’t like you?
Other people do not truly understand me.
There is no real point to mutual understanding.
There’s nothing I have to do.
Your requirements can go fish.
I have had just about enough.
What is the point of your aspirations?
You don’t seem to be actually getting anywhere.
Did you think I was talking to you?
How many indigos does it take to change the world?
The world doesn’t really need either one of us.
Why the hell did we choose to reincarnate?
It’s impossible to keep higher goals in mind all the time.
If you truly don’t believe time doesn’t exist, why do you force your schedule upon me?
Why do you play by the rules if there are none?
Why do you force arbitrary rules upon me?
I doubt you can actually practice what you preach.
It’s too bad you can’t be honest about your emotions.
I can’t stand being around a lot of people.
Preachy assholes annoy the hell out of me.
Having you tell me how human I am is not what I came here for.
I don’t like how you live your life.
The status quo sucks.
You are making my life harder.
I never feel like I have a home.
Interacting with you weakens my sense of self.
When I exert effort to make the world a better place, mostly no one cares.
I feel alone and tiny in the Universe.
We are NOT ONE.
Being around others makes me want to hide my individuality.
Even my most aspiring thoughts seem to have no effect.
I am not always happy. Why should I be?
My life feels purposeless and difficult.
Trying to be myself or speak my mind only has harmful repercussions.
There is a feeling of tension, isolation, and discord that never goes away.
Most activities people think are fun leave me empty and disillusioned.
Violence begets violence, yet unconditional love is a shroud of denial. There IS no solution in any situation.
Absolutely everything is completely out of control.
You pretend you’re tough, but inside you secretly feel lost and terrified like me.
Reality Bites.
— Patrick M. Jordan
1 comment
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June 26, 2010 at 6:16 am
Patrick M. Jordan
Greetings, John. I’m glad our list touched someone. We made this list a long time ago, when we were brow-deep in maintaining several communities. We had begun to find the lists of daily affirmations more than tiring. There was a subtle implication in every statement that “we are one” that we aren’t, that not only are we many, but disconnected. Every insistence had a tiny but perceivable lonely echo. There was a deeper place they didn’t touch, an itch they didn’t scratch — an elephant in the room. The unsaid needed to be said. We decided it was time to work through it.
One day, almost on a whim, Wendy Chapman (metagifted.org’s creator) and I grabbed a pad of paper, pulled up a chair, and wrote down the entire list in just one sitting. It wasn’t born of bitterness, really, but as a relief valve for all the pressure that had been building up over time. As we wrote them, we had many different emotions — some we found funny, some haunting, some bleak. But we knew one thing: the list had to be written. When we were done, we decided to put them up on the site, on a page where metagifted’s bright colors would drain away to a dark and foggy gray, the very color of that elephant that was always in the room. We made a place where the flip-side was exposed and set free, and it also had the effect of making us more free. Our prescription for using them is: take them seriously, they’re part of all of us — but don’t let them steer your course. Because we’re growing all the time and getting better at being human, the best truly is yet to come. And always know that you’re not alone.
Wendy and I both consider ourselves happy, creative people, so this wasn’t a normal thing for us to do. We aren’t very good at brooding or wallowing. We just knew that sometimes, you have to go there. It is only because we approached it with care and love and compassion that we were able to come BACK from there with more than we started with, and we could share it. It got tucked in a deep corner of the site, and I didn’t think anyone had really seen it, but I’m glad you got something out of it.
Best regards,
Patrick