In prostration I find the wings of my heart.  I feel the closest to my Beloved when prostrating my self and my heart before Him.  Prostration is the most upright approach to the Divine.

But I have to say, Pride is a bitch.  It rears its ugly head in the most twistedly creative ways.

My beloved and I have been joining a local Eastern Orthodox parish for morning prayer on Sundays and it has been so wonderfully sobering, humbling and fulfilling.  After I started on my Sufi path most western Christian worship seemed hollow and meaningless to me.  I’m sure that it is my own fallen nature that limits me in this way.  Not that western worship IS meaningless and hollow, just my own experience of it.  I was thinking last Sunday how long it’s been since I’ve actually looked forward to Sunday worship and tears filled my heart with hope and thankfulness for EO morning prayer.  Thank God!  Anyway…

This last Tuesday, Juanita and I went to the “Vesperal Liturgy of The Forerunner.”  There was a point when everyone prostrated them selves before the Eucharist and I wanted to as well but all these thoughts and fears got in the way.

Every Sunday as well, I long to throw off the coat of self-consciousness and false humility.  I long to throw myself before the feet of God.  But every time this longing in my heart arises, I start to fear.  I start to fear what will other people think who are REAL Orthodox?  Will they think, “how inappropriate for a non-orthodox christian to worship in this way” or “just how inappropriate”?  Will they think that I am being like the Pharisee who prayed at the top of his lungs, “thank you god that I am not like this sinner over here”?  Will they think that I am simply doing it because everyone else is doing it and I just want to fit in?  All this flaunts itself under the guise of, “there is a time and place for everything” or “after a while I’ll feel more comfortable doing… whatever.”  Unfortunately though… possibly… if I take this route I’m sure those “comforts” will come to pass.  But will I then be giving into the lies that my pride is telling me?  Should I just go for it? Probably so… maybe not… but probably so.  May God give me His courage over my pride!   Ya Allah Al-Aziz!

Thanks be to God.