This was from Me

“This was from me” is a famous letter written by saint Seraphim of Viritsa that he sent to his spiritual child, a bishop who was in a Soviet prison at that time; this homily “This was from me” is written as a consolation and counsel to the bishop to let him know that God the Creator addresses to the soul of man.

Have you ever thought that everything that concerns you, concerns Me, also? You are precious in my eyes and I love you; for this reason, it is a special joy for Me to train you. When temptations and the opponent [the Evil One] come upon you like a river, I want you to know that This was from Me.

I want you to know that your weakness has need of My strength, and your safety lies in allowing Me to protect you. I want you to know that when you are in difficult conditions, among people who do not understand you, and cast you away, This was from Me.

I am your God, the circumstances of your life are in My hands; you did not end up in your position by chance; this is precisely the position I have appointed for you. Weren’t you asking Me to teach you humility? And there – I placed you precisely in the “school” where they teach this lesson. Your environment, and those who are around you, are performing My will. Do you have financial difficulties and can just barely survive? Know that This was from Me.

I want you to know that I dispose of your money, so take refuge in Me and depend upon Me. I want you to know that My storehouses are inexhaustible, and I am faithful in My promises. Let it never happen that they tell you in your need, “Do not believe in your Lord and God.” Have you ever spent the night in suffering? Are you separated from your relatives, from those you love? I allowed this that you would turn to Me, and in Me find consolation and comfort. Did your friend or someone to whom you opened your heart, deceive you? This was from Me.

I allowed this frustration to touch you so that you would learn that your best friend is the Lord. I want you to bring everything to Me and tell Me everything. Did someone slander you? Leave it to Me; be attached to Me so that you can hide from the “contradiction of the nations.” I will make your righteousness shine like light and your life like midday noon. Your plans were destroyed? Your soul yielded and you are exhausted? This was from Me.

You made plans and have your own goals; you brought them to Me to bless them. But I want you to leave it all to Me, to direct and guide the circumstances of your life by My hand, because you are the orphan, not the protagonist. Unexpected failures found you and despair overcame your heart, but know That this was from Me.

With tiredness and anxiety I am testing how strong your faith is in My promises and your boldness in prayer for your relatives. Why is it not you who entrusted their cares to My providential love? You must leave them to the protection of My All Pure Mother. Serious illness found you, which may be healed or may be incurable, and has nailed you to your bed. This was from Me.

Because I want you to know Me more deeply, through physical ailment, do not murmur against this trial I have sent you. And do not try to understand My plans for the salvation of people’s souls, but unmurmuringly and humbly bow your head before My goodness. You were dreaming about doing something special for Me and, instead of doing it, you fell into a bed of pain. This was from Me.

Because then you were sunk in your own works and plans and I wouldn’t have been able to draw your thoughts to Me. But I want to teach you the most deep thoughts and My lessons, so that you may serve Me. I want to teach you that you are nothing without Me. Some of my best children are those who, cut off from an active life, learn to use the weapon of ceaseless prayer. You were called unexpectedly to undertake a difficult and responsible position, supported by Me. I have given you these difficulties and as the Lord God I will bless all your works, in all your paths. In everything I, your Lord, will be your guide and teacher. Remember always that every difficulty you come across, every offensive word, every slander and criticism, every obstacle to your works, which could cause frustration and disappointment, This is from Me.

Know and remember always, no matter where you are, That whatsoever hurts will be dulled as soon as you learn In all things, to look at Me. Everything has been sent to you by Me, for the perfection of your soul. All these things were from Me.

(Cited from Orthodoxwiki.org)

St. Seraphim of Sarov

St. Seraphim of Sarov asked for these remarkable words to be inscribed on his tombstone and they make me weep:

“When I am dead, come to me at my grave, and the more often the better. Whatever is on your soul, whatever may have happened to you, come to me as when I was alive, and kneeling on the ground, cast all your bitterness upon my grave. Tell me everything and I shall listen to you, and all the bitterness will fly away from you. And as you spoke to me when I was alive, do so now. For I am living, and I shall be for ever.”

It was love at first sight.. er read.. with him. It may seem kinda early but he seems like he might become my patron saint. It’s like my heart seems to just naturally/ mystically open to him, in spite of all the scar tissue and heart break. He is able to access the broken parts that seem completely impervious to myself otherwise. It’s so amazing how much Love flows through him. I struggle a lot with loving customers at work. In my job I get really tired of people… dealing with all their scruples, selfishness and caffeine addiction backlash, etc. (Don’t get between an addict and their drug, unless you’re ready for a fight. “Just say Yes!” as the sbux motto goes.) He had hundreds of people visiting him daily and he never tired of them, always happy to see them. I already really love him and his life. Thanks be to God!

Longing for Prostration

In prostration I find the wings of my heart.  I feel the closest to my Beloved when prostrating my self and my heart before Him.  Prostration is the most upright approach to the Divine.

But I have to say, Pride is a bitch.  It rears its ugly head in the most twistedly creative ways.

My beloved and I have been joining a local Eastern Orthodox parish for morning prayer on Sundays and it has been so wonderfully sobering, humbling and fulfilling.  After I started on my Sufi path most western Christian worship seemed hollow and meaningless to me.  I’m sure that it is my own fallen nature that limits me in this way.  Not that western worship IS meaningless and hollow, just my own experience of it.  I was thinking last Sunday how long it’s been since I’ve actually looked forward to Sunday worship and tears filled my heart with hope and thankfulness for EO morning prayer.  Thank God!  Anyway…

This last Tuesday, Juanita and I went to the “Vesperal Liturgy of The Forerunner.”  There was a point when everyone prostrated them selves before the Eucharist and I wanted to as well but all these thoughts and fears got in the way.

Every Sunday as well, I long to throw off the coat of self-consciousness and false humility.  I long to throw myself before the feet of God.  But every time this longing in my heart arises, I start to fear.  I start to fear what will other people think who are REAL Orthodox?  Will they think, “how inappropriate for a non-orthodox christian to worship in this way” or “just how inappropriate”?  Will they think that I am being like the Pharisee who prayed at the top of his lungs, “thank you god that I am not like this sinner over here”?  Will they think that I am simply doing it because everyone else is doing it and I just want to fit in?  All this flaunts itself under the guise of, “there is a time and place for everything” or “after a while I’ll feel more comfortable doing… whatever.”  Unfortunately though… possibly… if I take this route I’m sure those “comforts” will come to pass.  But will I then be giving into the lies that my pride is telling me?  Should I just go for it? Probably so… maybe not… but probably so.  May God give me His courage over my pride!   Ya Allah Al-Aziz!

Thanks be to God.

Water, Purity, Righteousness, Longing and Freedom

After watching an Indian film (called, ‘Water’) about Hindu widows, my heart got to thinking and asking…

“

“What if your conscience conflicts with your faith?”
–quote from ‘Water’

“I used to think that God was Truth, but now I know that Truth is God.”
–Ghandi (paraphrased)

“

If one seeks truth above all else, does one find God? Not necessarily…? Then how does one find Truth? Purely by God’s grace. Purely by God’s predestined grace!

Abraham  was a righteous man. God loved and blessed him for his righteousness. How did Abraham find righteousness outside of ‘religion’? (The same goes for Buddha.) Why does everyone after him need religion to find righteousness? (what about relationship?) Is it about a guarantee or a ‘get out of jail free card’ or a ‘life insurance policy’? What does Jesus say about righteousness in the context of his cultural Judaism and outside that same context? Can we trust the ‘Christian Gospels’?

Legalism is bullshit, a mockery of the Truth and the Law. A mockery of the Heart. But what of purity? Is righteousness found in one Man? In returning to the purity of God’s creation that He called ‘Good’? In the many idols of mankind? Or in the act of TRYING?? Is it found in the depths of the longing of the Heart of Hearts? Is Righteousness found in the Heart? Can God put it there to be found if He so pleases? Does He do so in everyone? Where is righteousness to be found? How is righteousness to be found?

Questions are not a sign of doubt.
Doubt is not a lack of Faith.
Faith is not a sign of Truth.
Truth is not a lack of Questions.

…and the Dharma wheel turns…

Why do people seem to need a system to find God? Do people who search for God in a system really find Him?

Many people in the system will find God, Truth, Al-Haqq, but many may not.  Many people outside the system will find God, Truth, Al-Haqq, but many may not. Are there no guarantees of God’s predestination to His Will? (this definitely isn’t a path for discipleship)

I feel like a spiritual or religious outcast. An untouchable. Caught between systems. I cling ever so tightly to the Lord of Outcasts and Untouchables, Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God and Man.