Longing for Prostration

In prostration I find the wings of my heart.  I feel the closest to my Beloved when prostrating my self and my heart before Him.  Prostration is the most upright approach to the Divine.

But I have to say, Pride is a bitch.  It rears its ugly head in the most twistedly creative ways.

My beloved and I have been joining a local Eastern Orthodox parish for morning prayer on Sundays and it has been so wonderfully sobering, humbling and fulfilling.  After I started on my Sufi path most western Christian worship seemed hollow and meaningless to me.  I’m sure that it is my own fallen nature that limits me in this way.  Not that western worship IS meaningless and hollow, just my own experience of it.  I was thinking last Sunday how long it’s been since I’ve actually looked forward to Sunday worship and tears filled my heart with hope and thankfulness for EO morning prayer.  Thank God!  Anyway…

This last Tuesday, Juanita and I went to the “Vesperal Liturgy of The Forerunner.”  There was a point when everyone prostrated them selves before the Eucharist and I wanted to as well but all these thoughts and fears got in the way.

Every Sunday as well, I long to throw off the coat of self-consciousness and false humility.  I long to throw myself before the feet of God.  But every time this longing in my heart arises, I start to fear.  I start to fear what will other people think who are REAL Orthodox?  Will they think, “how inappropriate for a non-orthodox christian to worship in this way” or “just how inappropriate”?  Will they think that I am being like the Pharisee who prayed at the top of his lungs, “thank you god that I am not like this sinner over here”?  Will they think that I am simply doing it because everyone else is doing it and I just want to fit in?  All this flaunts itself under the guise of, “there is a time and place for everything” or “after a while I’ll feel more comfortable doing… whatever.”  Unfortunately though… possibly… if I take this route I’m sure those “comforts” will come to pass.  But will I then be giving into the lies that my pride is telling me?  Should I just go for it? Probably so… maybe not… but probably so.  May God give me His courage over my pride!   Ya Allah Al-Aziz!

Thanks be to God.

Vain Remembrance?

So this is what I got on this question. Very open to input on the answer.

I was asked by someone recently:

“Why should we pray the same prayer over and over if scripture says, ‘Do not pray in vain repetitions like the pagans do.’?”

To say that the Remembrance of God’s Name is part of the History, Tradition and Ritual of Christ’s Body the Church, seemed to have less of a convincing impact than the following arguments … in other words, ’show me in Scripture and Reason’ and I will believe.  So here are my thoughts on the subject of the constant remembrance of the Name of God.

There are a few ways of looking at this question, first there’s reason, next there’s syntax, after that the context of scripture and lastly (my favorite) there is the wisdom of the heart.  In other words, from what or where do you draw your motivation for prayer and meditation?

So what about praying in vain repetitions?

If you had a statement that read, “Do not pluck and eat unripe or rotten fruit!”, would one gather from this statement that one should not gather or eat fruit period? Of course not! You would say, “Good fruit is good to eat and good for the body and is a gift from the Creator for our nourishment and well being. Unripe fruit should be left on the tree to mature. Rotten fruit should be allowed to fall to the ground and return to the dust of the earth!”

What about praying with repetition?

The scripture does command prayer without ceasing.  It speaks of an unceasing knocking on the door of the heart waiting for God to answer.  If knocking is not repetitive then I don’t know what is?

What about praying in vanity?

Prayer does not require repetitiveness to be vain.  There are practically endless ways in which prayer can be vain or self serving.  To the contemplative, any personal desire that draws one’s attention away from unification with God is a vane desire.  Taken to the extreme this would seem to be a long list of distractions. (It is a long list so you probably shouldn’t dwell on it while meditating lest you become distracted. hah, just kidding… maybe… i don’t know… whatever…)
But when it comes to the practice of the remembrance of God’s name, the extremity of The Love is at the root of the Heart.  Mercy, grace, understanding, forbearance and service are at the reach of your arms, legs, ears, eyes, tong, thoughts and relationships.

Approaching God

To approach God with desire or motivation for personal gain or change in ones state or station, is to approach God in vanity.  One must sacrifice their desires on the alter of their Heart!  I want to only desire complete annihilation into the person-hood of God.  So that not my will but God’s will is done.  So that the battle of my will vs. Divine Will is finished and ceases.  It is to submit to the humanly abasing will of the Divine.  To even submit one’s own sense of ‘fairness’, justice or righteousness to the larger reality of God’s Divine Justice, Righteousness, Mercy, Grace and Love.  It is to have an ‘I don’t know’ mind.  It is to submit the depths of the heart to the all consuming fire of God’s love.  The Love that can be a heaven of unending ecstatic Annihilation or a hell of unending all engulfing, yet never consuming fire of eternal agony.  (This reminds me of “The Great Divorce” by C.S. Lewis.  Heaven being more real than this ‘real’ corporeal world, which is in turn itself more real than hell.)

some vein pursuits I am guilty of in life (contemplative or otherwise):

• not being the Beloved to my beloved
• seeking the experience of mystical graces
• seeking Divine favor for personal ease in daily life
• seeking Divine favor in personal or egotistical desires for success or advancement in the world
• seeking the ease of my spouses distress for the sake of my own comfort
• seeking the mystical power of God as desired by and for my own will
• seeking assurances in this mysterious path God has laid before me, instead of throwing my full faith into his predestined will, and accepting that there’s no plan B
• desiring some other job than the one that I find myself in
• thinking that an ‘ideal’ job would be the culmination of my fulfillment
• not practicing radical acceptance of the present moment
• not being content in states and stations of this life
• the list goes on, but these are the ways I follow my vanity, that are most visible to myself.

Lord have mercy.

Christ of mercy.

Lord have mercy.