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… that my reoccurring top post is “to tattoo or not to tattoo”. out of all my other “soul searching” posts the one post that comes up as most viewed is this. it’s ironic. what’s so important about tattooing? it’s permanent definitely, but besides that. definition of identity… in the ambiguity of identity lives anxiety. so then is it just to make me feel better about myself, feel secure? to say “this is who/what i am.” to quite literally wear my self on my sleeves. not trying to sound aloof or arrogant since someday i might get a tattoo. just wondering out loud…

After watching an Indian film (called, ‘Water’) about Hindu widows, my heart got to thinking and asking…

“What if your conscience conflicts with your faith?”
–quote from ‘Water’

“I used to think that God was Truth, but now I know that Truth is God.”
–Ghandi (paraphrased)

If one seeks truth above all else, does one find God? Not necessarily…? Then how does one find Truth? Purely by God’s grace. Purely by God’s predestined grace!

Abraham  was a righteous man. God loved and blessed him for his righteousness. How did Abraham find righteousness outside of ‘religion’? (The same goes for Buddha.) Why does everyone after him need religion to find righteousness? (what about relationship?) Is it about a guarantee or a ‘get out of jail free card’ or a ‘life insurance policy’? What does Jesus say about righteousness in the context of his cultural Judaism and outside that same context? Can we trust the ‘Christian Gospels’?

Legalism is bullshit, a mockery of the Truth and the Law. A mockery of the Heart. But what of purity? Is righteousness found in one Man? In returning to the purity of God’s creation that He called ‘Good’? In the many idols of mankind? Or in the act of TRYING?? Is it found in the depths of the longing of the Heart of Hearts? Is Righteousness found in the Heart? Can God put it there to be found if He so pleases? Does He do so in everyone? Where is righteousness to be found? How is righteousness to be found?

Questions are not a sign of doubt.
Doubt is not a lack of Faith.
Faith is not a sign of Truth.
Truth is not a lack of Questions.

…and the Dharma wheel turns…

Why do people seem to need a system to find God? Do people who search for God in a system really find Him?

Many people in the system will find God, Truth, Al-Haqq, but many may not.  Many people outside the system will find God, Truth, Al-Haqq, but many may not. Are there no guarantees of God’s predestination to His Will? (this definitely isn’t a path for discipleship)

I feel like a spiritual or religious outcast. An untouchable. Caught between systems. I cling ever so tightly to the Lord of Outcasts and Untouchables, Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God and Man.

Arthur held the vile meticulously in his hand. The waters of the tiny world trembled in his grip. He imagined a microscopic version of himself doing a cannon-ball into this little ocean.

His mind wandered past all of the cataclysmic events of the last few days and weeks and  years that had led up to this point in time, the point in time where Arthur Holt was grasping the last 4 ounces of water on earth. The chemical’s new found singularity struck him strange, for prior to this moment, water had been the most common, elemental, forgotten and taken for granted substance known to man. Even if he was completely parched, he knew that somewhere, no matter how inaccessible it might be, there was water. But now… this was not even the case.

Now Arthur really held the last drop of water in his fingers. He wondered what it would feel like to drink the last 4 ounces of water, what emotions would rush through his veins, what thoughts of despair or ecstasy would swim around his head. This single water might be saved for later when truly needed at a cataclysmic moment of desperate rescue. It was a glistening potion of hope and despair, of comfort and anxiety, a monument to creation and a crumbled ruin of a reminder to the past.

How, Arthur wondered, how could this simple compound of Hydrogen and Oxygen contain so many paradoxes, enigmas and mysteries of the life it used to uphold. It held every question to every answer of earthly life. It was life itself. It told a story, not a human story, but a story of energy, power, creation, of god breathing life into a fiery, explosive element. The human element, they had exploded on the earth and scorched it beyond recognition ironically using the element of fire that when bonded with the breath of god created this basic building block of earthly life.

The vile, so precious and so endangered reminded him of the stories he read as a child where there was always a precious vile, singular in it’s ability and availability to offer its barer hope in darkness, healing at the last gasp of life and protection in the face of horror.

…………….

A man’s heart

Lies deep

Like a lake in his chest

Emotions Swim like fish or minnows

Rapid and Unknowing

Evading the Tongue

The Lady of the Lake calls out the Siren song

Hoping to draw in the catch

But she calls after a Phantom Menace

The elusive monster hides Himself in Myth and Mirth

She calls to the Deep

Longing for contact

Longing for the elusive Shadow

Called Man’s Emotion to

Reveal itself in untold

Spender and Majesty

She longs for Nothingness to show itself as Form

She longs to trap it in a cage of formalism

She longs for it’s death.

She Mourns,

She Mourns.

I am in my ashes,

I am in my ashes.

He says,

He says.

-jfs

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
-Thomas Merton

John